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"Allow me to clear things. You, little man, carry the distinction of being a waste-lock."

"Um... That sounds... bad."

"Nonetheless, it's all quite necessary. I'm sure you wouldn't argue the point that the pre-mortem is riddled with pains, traumas, horrors, and other unpleasantries. Well, it's nothing compared to a world without waste locks.

"Know that, for all its troubles, the world is perfect. Flawless in its beauties and turmoils, violence and nightmares being a natural product of humanity.

"If you had proper eyes, you would see more than just the act of the human negative, you would see the residue of it, sewage, in a sense. People leaving trails of slime, like slugs. Slugs in dockers.

"And like any waste, it accrues. You would see people walking through this sick, unknowingly wading through it, like leaves from a forest of horrors. And it collects at a manic pace, what with humans incessantly shitting into the ether, if you will.

"It must be managed and it is - stockpiled in specially cleared out "spaces", prisons, almost, since pure aggression is a rabid thing, eager to breed, and coat everything in itself. These cells can be anything - objects, points in space, pimples, etc.

"Each cell is assigned a lock to stabilize fluctuations and maintain the seal. Of course, locks, whether humans, dogs, or weasels, never know what they've been doomed to be. God, I love that word - doom!

"Sane or damaged to begin with, they all share a common demeanor - introverted, quiet, and of no threat to anyone but themselves. Inevitably, they degenerate, collapsing into a quiet mental dissolve.

"I don't claim to know who runs this operation, but they must have been ill upon choosing you. Seems you were quite sick to begin with, then, having all this muck go through and set off some new amusement. You were anything but quiet, seeming to become almost an extension of what you were charged to contain.

"Messy, but I thought it was funny. Still, as always, it worked. A system as old as malice itself. You expired, leaving nothing but nothing for the effluent to escape into, thus effectively flushing it into oblivion. They, then, use a sort of backup disc to re-install existence. Neat, huh?"

"I'm a flusher?"

"Precisely."

~ JV
There comes a time, when one owns pets, that they begin to have sneaking suspicions that each and every animal is undoubtedly only sticking around because their owner's organs smell delicious.

That may sound a little paranoid. But I shit you not. JUST NOW, we have a line outside the house. Well, not just now, we've had this line for more than ten years now, but you get the drift. It's just a run, with a wheel that can slide from one end of the line to the other. The wheel attaches to a rope, attaches to the clip, attaches to the collar, attaches to the dog, attaches to the heel of my shoe when I boot them out the door and hope, for the love of God, they stop whining so much. It's a process that's repeated several times throughout the day, obviously, as most dogs (at least that I have encountered personally!) need to pee and shit.

I digress. JUST NOW, letting out the second dog - the first comes back inside easily enough, though not without first letting loose a cacophony of distressed yelps and screeches, lest we somehow forget she is outside and some swamp monster, within that time, rises from the lawn and comes to graze contentedly on her viscera. I'M KIDDING. We have no swamp monster. There's just pumas that live in the tall grass out there. I'm not really sure why Greta whines like she does when she has to come in. Perhaps her head truly will explode if the gods take notice that she's outside for too long.

Jesus, I'm trying to tell a story, stop distracting me, wouldja? Criminy. ONE MORE TIME. JUST NOW, let the second dog out, Jake. A mid-sized black and brown terroier with yips that I'm pretty sure only his dog brethren can hear, if he really tries. High pitched and grating and penetrating deep within the confines of one's skull. Tiny needles and hooks digging into your brain meats! One would think that these horrifying, paranoid little yaps would be a warning. "Hi, I'm Jacob, I'm ready to come inside, now!" Is that what you thought, huh? Did you?

WELL, YOU'D BE WRONG.

Jake wants to play a little game, which may or may not be said in as deep and gravelly a voice as the Saw guy in his head, I'm not sure. I'm not held privy to his pre-recorded conversations, only what does inevitably come out of his mouth, so "I want to play a game" comes out more like "yip yip whinypants whine." Which is sort of similar. This game entails starting off with these series of dog... I'm not sure they constitute as "barks." High-pitched doggy sounds of dog. It starts off with those. A human (my brother or myself, generally) will approach the back door, slide it wide open, and thus begins the game.

Because Jake generally doesn't MOVE from the other end of the line.

It's some kind of induction of schizophrenia into the person's body, or some horrible multiple personality disorder. First there's the normal tone, the "Jake, come on," or some variation on those words. That's all well and good if he comes in on the first try, perhaps doesn't feel like being a little shit head and playing such games, that's fine. But there are those times, times when Jake will stand stock still at that end of the line, looking back at you with tiny, beady, black hole dog eye voids of horribleness, within which are demons and monsters and hellfires. I'm sure he shares a small, inner doggy guffaw of victory.

At which the first phase of psychosis begins to settle in, probably in the form of an equally high-pitched, cheerful little guidance counselor type, stooping to this dog's equally high-pitched level and acting as the role of spiritual motivator. "Come on, Jakey-boy!" is generally that descent into madness, squeaky and happy and, aw, look at you, clapping down one your thighs all excitedly and trying to instill some pep into the demon you're trying to stare down at the other end of the line.

Once cheerfulness doesn't work, then comes the irate, brusque disciplinary action in attempts to order him back into his cave. "Jake, get in here!" Or, in the case of my mom, something about getting the fuck inside before she breaks him. Something like that. Mean and angry-sounding and the like. It's usually a quick changeover, with the personality disorder you spontaneously develop at this back door, a fast flicker from OH YAY HAPPY LET'S GO JAKE YOU CAN DO IT to, of course, the less inspirational football coach that I like to think of as Jane Lynch in Glee, all YOU'RE WORTHLESS, RUN DOWN THIS LINE RIGHT NOW WITH YOUR TAIL BETWEEN YOUR LEGS, YOU WEAK LINK, YOU SCOUNDREL.

One of these personalities is usually bound to shock Jake into confusion, send him whizzing down that line with a series of galloping happiness, tongue hanging delightfully from the side of his mouth in an "aw, shucks, you did all that for me?" sort of manner. The easier times, at least. Those times are rather nice.

It's the times when Jake spawns his own personality, his sadistic BASTARD, Bruce Willis-ian, COME AND GET ME personality that tends to suck. As I hate losing. No matter what newfound mental disorders you crack out on your own in attempts to coax him in (Swedish Chef motivator!, small gremlin overlord!, Miley Cyrus!) (I haven't actually tried any of these personalities. It's something to consider), he won't budge from his spot, there in that cozy patch of earth, down the end of the line, sitting upon his throne of grass and bugs and sharing a small evil laugh of evil with himself, a moo ha ha ha of victory in the hopes of holding out until his owner has to don shoes, stomp out towards the end of the line and forcibly drag him back inside.

I'm kind of stubborn. Some people might have noticed. And I do hate to lose. Humans are a superior species, dammit, I will not regress, perhaps sending the world spiraling into some kind of Planet of the Apes-like universe in which dogs rule the humans with an iron-- paw, all because I obeyed my dog instead of putting my foot down.

If he doesn't come in for my original bouts of schizophrenia, I'll simply shut the door. Let him stay out there, in his land of isolation and doggy guffaws of victory. Can't feel too good, does it, Jake, staying out there all by yourself and being all lonely in that grass, no friends but ants and ticks and perhaps tiny grasshoppers if you're having a rather lucky day. No, that can't be too fun at all.

Extra points if it's downpouring. Jake does hate getting wet. And yet will play this game whilst rain is coming down in torrential buckets, delineating Doom's Day all across our back lawn in the form of a temporary mini-lake out by the pool. I let him stew for a while (in rain, it generally doesn't take as long), occasionally checking back at the door as he starts to look increasingly more pathetic, sliding open the glass door enough to leave an inviting opening into a land where there may be food and less bugs and - on those rainy days - drier and warmer territory.

"Well?" I will ask, and one of those times, generally, he will eventually come inside.

This is the secret, pet owners. OWN THE PETS. DON'T LET THEM OWN YOU. Even when he's giving you the stink eye from the other side of the lawn, perhaps debating whether to turn into his monster form, reigning with terror across the acres of Rehoboth until he can gobble you up in one fell swoop and pick his teeth with your humerus (which is a bad idea, really, it's not all too sharp or toothpick-y). Don't let him winnnnn. Don't fear the demon eyes, no matter how many cups of crazy are in them.

I need to get out more.

I have a strange rash on my arm. It's itchy. I'm trying not to look at it.

Also, this is my version of studying for the Medical Terminology test I have tonight. ohoho. But I hadn't written in my Livejournal for a while. I figured I'd bestow my presence upon you all, give you the GIFT of my company, that is a journal update. See? SEE? Don't you feel special now?

I'm going to disappear into the world of flashcards now :(

IT'S RAIIIIININ' MEN

hey hi i haven't posted in a while. I've been thinking!

There's been a lot of backlash from the So You Think You Can Dance episode last night. Which starts at 5:10 in this clip, for anyone who didn't see it, who might be interested. Long story short, two men auditioned with a ballroom dance on the show - together, in sparkly, low-cut, tight-pants'd outfits, mind you. Naturally, that's not the norm. Obviously it could happen, but, typically, ballroom is one guy and one girl. There is a leader and a follower. That's just how it rolls.

People don't seem to agree. A lot of people have been accusing the show of prejudice, homophobia, etc. AfterElton.com had an article in particular that stuck out.

I keep going back and forth on this, just because I've got arguments towards either side. There's the one hand where, yes, the judges - Nigel in particular - were coming off as very unreasonable, not at all understanding. Nigel's a bit too old-fashioned, I think - he shows it often in his judging, but he's an old Brit; of course he's going to be old-fashioned. That doesn't work with the constantly changing dance world. Especially in the US, where, well, stereotypically, guy dancers (save for the hip-hop dancers, the lockers, the breakers, etc.) arrre pretty gay.

On the other hand, the guys weren't that good. Their movements were off, their chemistry was cheesy, the dance was a bit cheesy as well. The costumes threw you off. I get what they were going for, absolutely, and I love that they were two gay men dancing together. It's just... with ballroom, typical ballroom, there IS a leader and a follower. I think there could absolutely be males partnering, or females partnering, but you have to have some kind of focus. Someone SHOULD be leading the other person, or else it's back and forth, it's confusing, it generally ends up sloppy.

I don't think it's about a male being in charge, or effeminate people, because the show's broken those boundaries before. There was a Broadway dance to I'm A Woman from Smoky Joe's Cafe (that a gay man choreographed, mind you), where the guy - while still manly! - was very dominated by the woman in it. Or the Garden dance that's gone down with a bit of notoriety on the show. The West Coast Swing dance that Benji Schwimmer choreographed had a girl throwing a guy into a few moves where she was DEFINITELY taking the lead, which added nice touches! But the guy was overall the leader; again, some kind of focus.

I dunno. I think it's boiling down to something that it shouldn't be. It should be about the dancing, not who's doing it, and it's ending up looking like some kind of prejudiced business, which I don't think it should be. As someone who's very involved in gay rights issues, with gay and lesbian friends, who's unsure on her sexuality herself, I'm obviously very sympathetic towards the guys! But I also think Nigel and Mary were right, about the leader and follower business, that it was too effeminate.

And also aaaanyway, end rant, sorry for that >>; I've been thinking about this a lot, ever since since what exploded up from it. I'm such a SYTYCD addict, I can't help myself :DDD:

Anyone else see it? What do you think?

Well, what do you know? Old So and So :/

Okay. Trying to decide what to cosplay as, for Anime Boston? Is one of the most nerve-wracking things ever XD

I don't care if it's lame, man, I can't decide! I have so many ideas!
Okay, so one thing I'm wondering, cruising about the net, and hurr, apologies for the multiple posts within the hour. I'm waiting for dishes to soak. Bear with me.

So, anyway, the wondering thing.

Where the fuck are all the Entourage fans?

Seriously! They just do NOT exist on the net! I thought this show was pretty damn hot, on HBO and everything, and there are, like, two fans online. If that. This is worrisome!

Has anyone here even heard of it?

RE: THE WHITE HOUSE

I... I'm just so happy :')

Like, I know this felt real months ago, but this is just... so much cooler now that it's actuality XD

First time in the while I've actually liked this damn country.

WHO DA IRON MAN? I DA IRON MAN.

Anyone seen Iron Man?

Anyone, anyone?

So you know how funny it was, right?

Right :D

Soooo you know the possibility of awesome banter that ensued within and could in fact in fanfic as well?

Like my friend Molly's fanfic?

Because seriously, it rocks.

And you should read it.

>> <<

Pimping! That is all.

I MADE YOU A BRAINS BUT I EATED IT.




...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

"DID SO MUCH CUM GET SQUIRTED INTO YOUR EYES THAT YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT'S IN FRONT OF YOU?"


Oh, Ari Gold. ...I love you so much.
Even though you're the biggest, most offensive asshole on this side of the planet XD




Also!! Here. Way to bring out the Sylar in your Vulcan, there, Kirk!

BRIEFCASE FULL OF GUUUTS

Hair.

...




Want.


Also, wheee, I've been sick all day :D
Pukin' up guttttts!
GUUUUUUTS.


That is all.

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